What is Love and Logic?

It is a philosophy used by teachers and parents to teach children about responsibility. This means providing consistent firm loving guidance without yelling, threatening or needing to resort to corporal punishment. When I first came across Love and Logic I didn’t believe it either! The more I learned though and the more I applied it with my own child and the children I treated in therapy I was amazed. That was in 1998 and I’ve been using it ever since and teaching it since 1999 to parents all over the Triangle and beyond.

Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay, developed and ways of responding to children to minimize on power struggles and cause children to think about the consequences of their own choices on themselves. The basic premises are that adults take good care of themselves, set firm loving limits with children, allow kids to make lots of mistakes while they are young and the stakes are low, and apply big doses of empathy before imposing consequences. We share the control that we don’t need by giving children age appropriate choices. Then we pray they will mess up enough to learn from the consequences their choices (or behavior) generate.

People often tell me this will never work with my child, she is too stubborn and won’t listen to me unless I yell or spank her. On the contrary, these strategies were designed to use with some of the most defiant and behavior disordered children because of their propensity for power struggles. So using them with our everyday bundles of energy is a sure win/win. Remember it is not about changing the children; it is about changing how we respond so that we get a totally different response from them. Then the whole dynamic is turned on its head. We learn how to send the unspoken message to our kids, ”No problem, I can handle you without breaking a sweat.” We do this by learning the Love and Logic strategies and when to employ them: choices, enforceable statements, one-liners to avoid arguing and the empathy to let them feel the consequences of their own actions.

In Love and Logic the Logic is designed to make children think about what will happen to them if they do something. The Love helps to deliver that message right into their little hearts not to be forgotten. Since all children either are, or will be teenagers, it is never too soon to have them wondering, “What will happen to me if I do this?” This philosophy is very respectful of children and adults alike by affording us the opportunity to be responsible for both our messes and our successes. We learn how to determine whether a problem belongs to the child, or the adult in charge, and how to proceed accordingly with strategies that teach thinking and problem solving skills from an early age. It puts the fun back into parenting because we wind up having energy to spare at the end of the day to enjoy our families. It also teaches how to share the right types and amounts of control with children so that they have some say over the things that affect only them while we remain in charge of the decisions affecting the household! Love and Logic teaches us how to be consultant parents that provide appropriate guidance to kids without rescuing them or domineering over them, both of which deprive children of valuable opportunities to use their thinking caps. And when they just want to argue for the entertainment value we have solutions for that too!

Another area where Love and Logic provides guidance is in co-parenting, blended family parenting and when grandparents are doing the bulk of the parenting.

You can peruse the Love and Logic Website for catalogues of books, CD’s, DVD’s. They have oodles of great resources. A few of my favorites are “From Innocence to Entitlement”, “Hormones and Wheels”, “Rebuilding Trust”, “Parenting with Love and Logic”, “Shaping Self Concept” and “Grandparenting with Love and Logic”.

The Love and Logic Institute often gives my name to folks in this area as one of their approved trainers so feel free to check my reference with them. I can coach you individually, or you can join a scheduled class. I can always put together a class for you at your worksite, or your neighborhood, church or club. Let me know your interests and questions. I’d love to be able to help you put the fun back into your parenting. Please check the calendar for ongoing classes or call me at 919 304-5754. I’ll be happy to return your call as soon as I can!

Love and Logic Phone Consultations
with Miriam Lieberman, MA, LPCS  $75.00 per hour
 

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 Photography courtesy of David Gellatly
©Contents Copyright Miriam Lieberman 2007

 

Summer Support Group for Parents
 Facilitated by Miriam Lieberman, MA, LPCS

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Triangle Pastoral Counseling, Inc.
312 W. Millbrook Ste. 109
Raleigh, NC 27609

919 845-9977 ext 207

Tuesdays: May 5, June 2, July 30, Aug 4,
Time: 7:15-9:00 pm
Cost: $30.00 per person or $50.00 for co-parents

This support group is available to parents who are using the Love and Logic Parenting Philosophy and want to support one another to continue learning and using the strategies. If you have worked one on one or taken a class with Miriam and want to brush up on your skills and have a place to share in the joys and challenges of parenting you may wish to join this group of dedicated parents. Let’s put the fun back in parenting!

Call Miriam Lieberman at 919 845-9977 ext 207 or email me to learn more, to schedule a class, or for private coaching sessions.

Parenting with Love and Logic is a curriculum that helps parents be authorities in the home without becoming drill sergeants or helicopters to our kids. It is about taking good care of ourselves by allowing children to own more of their decisions (the good ones and the bad ones) so that our empathy and the consequences do the teaching. It helps us enjoy our families by building respectful relationships and creating a sense of belonging and responsibility in children. We deserve support as parents in this ever more challenging world. All questions are welcome.

PARENTING WITH LOVE & LOGIC for the School Aged Child 
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Dates: TBA
Location: Carrboro Century Center
Fee: $184.00
Instructor: Miriam Lieberman, MA, LPCS
Registration is ongoing with Carrboro Recreation and Parks
For More Information Call 918-7364

Are the power struggles with your child wearing you down?

Is co-parenting becoming a source of conflict?

Is your young child controlling the whole family?

Are you surprised by the anger that can overcome you as a parent?

If you answered “Yes” to one or more of the above questions then join us for… Parenting with Love & Logic
Learn effective parenting skills that are proven to work!

 

Integral Counseling Services
Miriam Lieberman, MA, LPCS
1920 Western Trail
Chapel Hill, NC 27516
(919) 304-5754
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